things made me think .. i wanted this to be something that I know it was never going to be now i have to deal with our son all on my own .. i know it’s a boy I can feel him his heart everything that’s whats making it so hard to give him back to god. i feel broken it was the love or being in love with you that makes this so hard to do. And the fact that i have to believe that you never loved me the way i loved you has been killing me inside .. tearing me apart .. now i have to hope that i can give him back to God or he’ll be another child in this world without a dad or just to have problems in its life .. I feel like shit that I’m even trying to do this. When will this pain end for me it’s making me strong but also mind fucking the shit out of me. i feel my mind slowly losing itself. What if this kills me what if i never make it though this i feel myself wanting to cry every chance i get alone yet i don’t i keep trying to hold my end up praying that i get through this and live to feel more pain another day besides in feel like i should feel pain everyday for what Ive done with my life even though i try to make it better nothing seems to get better.
He took all the love Ive ever had for anyone away from me .. i HATE him and i try not to hold hate in my heart for anyone but i feel so bad i just want to sleep and never wake up i hate these feelings its like a never ending pain that i can’t escape .. i want to cry right now and just end this .. if i had a gun I’d point it at my heart and shot myself.. Wait not my heart my mind cause nothing you ever feels comes from the heart it all really comes from your mind everything you think and feel comes from inside your brain. This a pain i could never explain to anyone even reading this none would understand me.
I don’t know how to save myself from this pain .. and these aren’t even a half of my issues.