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How can I know

I’m so tired of this life … Well this part of my life I’m living right now. I waited so long for you and your hurting me. I’ve stressed myself till no end and it’s as if you don’t even care. It’s so hard for me to get my words out and express myself and even when I do find the right words .. It as if their still not enough. I can’t keep trying and hurting this way. So I’ll just let you go cause it’s heart breaking for me to try and stay. A love like ours was one of a kind and I try to keep hope that I’ll find another love like this but something much better to hold on to. Someone who’s not afraid to lose me I want someone who looks forward to being with me and wants nothing but the best for me. I want to be with someone who I can encourage everyday of his life. I want to a wife and I didn’t realize it until now and now I know that you can’t and won’t give me the happiness that I deserve. The hardest part about letting you go is actually letting you go. 

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Free Write, Poems, Quote, Uncategorized

Drowning in my life.

I love bodies of Water because I feel like it’s my life .. Most of my life I drown and I’m use to all this pain that life can bring, I see things in my dreams and it’s hard to focus on what’s real. 

Sometimes we have to put things behind us and that may mean the ones we love have to be let go of. I had a hard time finding something in my life to look forward to. At some point dreaming of what my future would be like had gotten hard ; so at some point I stopped believing I had a future. Then one day I came up for air and realized I can be a life that makes a difference one day.  

 

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My viewers thoughts 

I see that I have some followers on WordPress but I wonder if anything I write actually catches anyone’s attention. Can anyone really relate to what I’m saying or am I just another pointless writer. I’m just trying to find out who I am again it’s been a lot that has made me lose myself and lose sight of why I want to be alive. I don’t like to play a victim or seem like I want some type of attention, because that is definitely not the case. Growing up writing has always been apart of my life I have been writing since I was little it’s always something that has brought me joy or some type of peace. I want that feeling again I’ve recently lost myself in a big way. Now I’m just tying to put my life back together and  figure out who I am and what makes me happy. Now that means I have to take a closer look at the people I surround myself with because I’m not sure I have made the right choices in the friends I have. Or maybe I have more demons then I can Handle so this is my fresh start. I feel like it’s going to be a long Journey but I know it’s well needed so I can become a better me and have a better life.

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Hopeless

ive be come tired and hopeless … To sleepy of all the day dreaming that I do and ready for it to become a reality wishing my love was home with me so that my nights are no longer scary sad and lonely. I’m praying on a new and good outcome but life is becoming so dark and my thoughts are becoming heavy on my heart. God please protect me because I fear this darkness will consume me.

Free Write, Poems

Shooter …¬†

A week ago I watched this girl try and take my BestFriendds life .. We were just taking a long way home and boom something horrible happens within a matter of seconds. The girl never looked twice at me and I wonder why .. Why didn’t she shot me too? I’m at the point in my life where I’m okay but I’m afraid of not being okay. A month ago life was set one way and now it’s something completely different and it feels different. I think twice about everything now I’m more afraid of the dark and that’s crazy to me because the dark was once something I found Comfort in. 
This girl changed so much in lives that she knows nothing about. Things will never be the same and what makes it worse is my out look on people. I want to feel safe again but it’s hard when now all I can see is evil in any stranger walking down the street. 

Love I once felt in my heart no longer feels the same. My mind is all over the place and all because of something I watched happen and I was so helpless in that moment. It’s a night I wish never would have happen it feels like a nightmare I’ll never be able to wake up from and when I sleep it’s the first thing on my mind when I wake up. I’ve never been one to hold fear in my heart but I seen a monster up close and she saw me to. So who’s to say we will never see each other again ….. I pray to god .. Now I wonder what is going to become of me now how will my mind heal and how can I move on from this. This shooter took my peace of mind and I’d give anything to have it back….. 

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Spotless mind

ive come so far from where I was at in my life. I’m back at that point where I know how to be okay by myself. For the most part … I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to hurt myself because I’m trying to save you ; who’s gonna save me if I don’t save myself. I can’t lead this on anymore and if I have to let you go to save the both of us then maybe that’s what I have to do. I hate to let you go but sometimes even true love dies after awhile I did everything I could do to save what I believe was true and deep love.