When I wake up I feel like I can’t breathe.. the first thing I think about when wake up is something from my past and I feel overwhelmed. So many thoughts … in life you either live or you die so it’s like I stop and think about which one am I doing. Can’t lie most days it feels like I’m dying ; I think about dying everyday… what’s the point of really living if your not really LIVING don’t get me wrong I have good moments and memories that are worth holding close to my heart… but over all I feel life slowly slipping away from me I’m watching everything and everyone I love get out of my reach.. I put my headphones in and I slip into another world like I’m running from myself and I’m tired of running. So when you get tired of running you have to face what ever facts come…. I have a lot of darkness inside me. I suppose things will get better or worse … before I take life into my own hands and twist it until it pops.
My mind on flames it feels like it’s burnt to a crisp but I won’t jump to conclusions a question mark above my head I’m acted out in confusion I drop to my knees my hand to my hand as I plead look up to the sky as I talk to God confessing these confessions actions like possession lessons on top of lessons when can my soul just finally be resting to my wife which I refer to as life till death do us part that will be my blessing that’s a knowledgeable thought there is no guessing I’m crazy in the mind it’s quite explosive pop off like nuclear bombs it’s war it’s crime my actions are suicidal I slit my wrist just to see how much I bleed just to see how much of an adrenaline rush it is for me I want to see if I turn purple or blue I cut until the knife is scraping upon my bone I feel the pain oh so bad physically but the reason and motive for all of this is because I was fxcked mentally